Maybe you saw this coming, or maybe it was a bolt of lightning out of the clear blue sky. Either way, there's no feeling like the sinking feeling you get when your child brings home a bad report card.
You might feel angry with your child, frustrated with your child's teacher, or ashamed that you didn't know or couldn't help your child. Those feelings are all understandable, but there are some very specific ways you should NOT react when you first lay eyes on that sub-par report.
Here are five things NOT to do when your child shows you (or you discover) the poor grades:
1. Don't yell. The situation is already intense. You feel frustrated and upset, and your child probably does, too. Yelling only ups the intensity for all involved, and it usually causes your child to shut down. Even if your child lied to you or blew off major assignments, yelling on your part does nothing except communicates to your child that you're angry and out of control. If you can't have a calm conversation right away, let your child know that you'll discuss the report when you're feeling calmer and have had time to think about how to react constructively.
2. Don't lecture. When you're ready to have that conversation, make sure it's a two-way dialogue. If you go into "Charlie Brown's teacher" mode (you know, WAH WAH WAH WAH WAH WAH), you're not going to learn anything about why this problem exists and what you and your child can do to fix it. Most kids, when asked in a non-threatening, respectful manner, will be able to tell you exactly what's going wrong and what they think might help improve the situation. But if you start the conversation with an angry rant about how your child is "disappointing you" and "ruining her future," your child will kick into a defensive, defiant mode of her own.
3. Don't blame the teacher. Even if you're child's teacher isn't setting the world on fire, help your child see where he has some control over the situation and what he can do to improve his performance. If he says, "I don't like how he teaches" or "He doesn't like me," re-focus the conversation on your child's role and responsibilities as a learner. Allowing your child to blame the teacher sets your child up to believe that his success or failure in life is in someone else's hands, and he doesn't have control over his life or responsibility for his choices.
4. Don't focus only on the negatives. Chances are, your child's report card contains good information, too. Maybe she earned an A in art, or maybe a teacher noted how well she works with other students. Find something positive to talk about so your child doesn't feel like all you see is what she can't or didn't do. If you really can't find something positive about the report, contact her teachers and ask. Just say, "I'd like to talk to my child about how she can improve her performance in school, and I'd like that conversation to include a discussion of her strengths and weaknesses. Can you share some positive observations, as well as your specific suggestions for improvement?"
5. Don't just talk about grades. Those grades matter. Of course they do. But they are only indicators of small areas in your child's life -- one subject here, one subject there, and most important, one moment in time. They are not permanent indicators of your child's character or destiny, or for that matter, your parenting. So when you talk to your child, instead of focusing on grades as the final outcome, focus on work habits, school routines, and daily actions and choices that can get your child back on track. Talk to your child about self esteem and taking pride in one's work and contributions. Research shows that focusing on grades, and not the growth and process by which those grades are earned, sets your child up to be completely unmotivated in school.
Finally, if you feel stuck, please call us. We absolutely have strategies that can help your child get back on track, and we'd love to talk to you about the resources available for your child.
What are your best tips for handling poor grades?
When a child struggles with reading or math in secondary school, everyone thinks it's a big deal. Parents get concerned about the child's GPA, college opportunities, and eligibility for sports and student activities.
In elementary school, however, some parents have a more relaxed attitude. They think the stakes are lower and a poor grade here or an off quarter there is no big deal.
Those parents are wrong. It is a very big deal when children struggle in reading and math, even as early as kindergarten. Especially as early as kindergarten.
Study after study identifies giant gaps in student abilities as early as kindergarten. There are some kids who start school strong -- with good pre-literacy skills and solid number sense. These kids excel or meet grade-level expectations from their first days in the classroom. Then there are the children who struggle. Maybe they didn't have the benefit of a pre-school program, or maybe they are just late bloomers who aren't into reading just yet. Maybe math is just harder for them, and in their crowded classrooms, they aren't getting the individual attention they need to thrive.
Whatever the reason, these beginning gaps don't just go away. In fact, research indicates that students who fall behind in elementary school never catch up. Without a solid foundation in reading skills and a conceptual understanding of math, these kids struggle to keep up for the rest of their student lives. The achievement gaps that open in kindergarten and first grade only widen and grow as the years go by. Children who struggle to grasp fractions don't go on to ace algebra without some kind of intervention or help. Kids who are slow, tedious readers in elementary school start to drown when they get to Charles Dickens in middle school.
This is why it's essential for parents to ensure that their children establish a solid foundation in early reading, writing, and math skills. It's not enough for your child to "just get by," passing SOLs with basic proficiency and heaving a sigh of relief when another year's done.
We're big believers in establishing that solid foundation. Our elementary tutors are K-6 specialists, and we know how important it is for your child to not just pass, but to thrive and excel, to move confidently from one grade to the next, equipped with the verbal and number skills that he or she will need for years to come.
As a parent or grandparent, there's a lot you can do to make sure your child or grandchild gets the help he needs NOW, rather than waiting and hoping the gaps will close.
Some parents and grandparents find that they alone are unable to help their child. Sometimes the math processes have changed, and sometimes the reading gaps are difficult to address -- after all, most parents are not reading specialists. You might know your child struggles to read but don't know how to help her.
If your child needs help NOW, please call us to talk about it, or get in touch here. Our in-home, one-on-one tutoring is an effective way to close the gaps. We have many strategies to share, and we've seen from years of experience how essential it is that the kids get help sooner rather than later.
We want to tell you about this cool thing we do called the Final Five and how you can use it to help your child stay on track in school. The Final Five is how we spend the last five minutes of tutoring sessions with our K-6 families, and it's designed to maximize the effectiveness of tutoring sessions and enable parents to help their children -- even when we aren't there.
For the last five minutes of each session, the tutor has the parent join the student. The tutor first explains to the parent what the child and tutor covered in that day's session.
Next, the tutor explains to the parent what he or she can do until the next session to support the child's progress in that subject. This might include:
- Discussing any upcoming tests or projects the student can be working on.
- Explaining what the child needs in terms of home support, whether that be materials, study space, someone to review homework or listen to reading.
- Giving the parent and child a small task or project that will enable to child to practice and support the child's progress in that subject until the tutor returns.
We started doing this because many parents told us they want to help and be involved in their child's academic success, but they don't know what specifically to do. The Final Five gives parents direction for that goal.
Here's the neat thing about the Final Five -- you can do it with your child even if you don't have a tutor!
Recent studies have shown that parents who hover too much or get too involved in their child's homework completion are actually counterproductive and ineffective. They actually prevent their child from learning and developing problem-solving independence. So instead of doing that (and if you've ever done it, you know your child doesn't enjoy it anyway), try using the Final Five to support your kid's growth in school.
Ask your child to talk to you about his or her schoolwork for the last five minutes of each homework session. For your own Final Five, you can:
- Review your child's planner and talk about upcoming projects or assessments.
- Ask if your child had any trouble with the assignments and suggest troubleshooting strategies. Would watching a YouTube tutorial help? Can you answer a couple questions? Can the child speak to his or her teacher to get some extra direction?
- Talk about your child's academic goals for the week. What's a priority? What's going on at school? What's interesting?
Your own Final Five allows you to do daily "pulse checks" with your child without micromanaging his or her schoolwork. You'll know when problems are cropping up and develop an ongoing conversation with your child about school.
Our Final Five helps you get the most out of every tutoring session. We really want to see your child succeed! Let us know how we can help.
In March and May, students all over Hampton Roads will spend a long Saturday morning hunched over a desk, wiping sweaty palms nervously on their jeans, brows furrowed as they bubble in responses to the questions that will determine their futures. Okay, maybe not their entire futures, but at least their college options.
Ah, SAT testing season.
If your child's taking this test in the spring, now is the time to start preparing. A little knowledge goes a long way with test prep, and we like our students to feel calm and ready come test day.
Share our list of pro tips with your child:
1. Get a good night's sleep. No amount of hail-Mary cramming the night before a test is going to improve your score. You'll be exhausted and prone to careless errors. Too much caffeine will just make you a jittery mess. Go to bed, set an early alarm so you're not rushed, and eat a good, filling breakfast. Have your ID and test documents ready to go so the morning is calm is stress-free.
2. Know thy enemy. Well, that's probably dramatic -- the test isn't your enemy -- but you definitely need to know what to expect and how to navigate the questions. For instance:
3. Slow down. Timed tests can lead panicky students to make mistakes that don't reflect their true ability. You are better off answering the questions correctly, even if you run out of time and don't finish completely. Put it this way -- if you finish only 80% of the questions but answer them correctly, you've done better than if you finish the test and get about half of them wrong.
4. Mind your answer document. The very worst thing you could do would be to skip a question and start bubbling in all the wrong answers in on your answer document as a result. Stop every few questions or so and make sure you're bubbling in your answer to #22 in the #22 bubble, not #21 or #23.
5. Mark up your test booklet. You're allowed to write on this, so use that! Cross out wrong answers, underline key words and phrases, write out your math memory mnemonics in the margin.
6. Be strategic with your time. Don't use precious minutes trying to figure out what a question is asking or how to solve it if you really have no idea. Skip it! You can always come back to the question later. One strategy involves categorizing the questions as follows:
What are your best tips for test prep? Leave us a note in the comments with your ideas!
As we all know, the very best way to feel confident on test day is to be well-prepared with the math and verbal knowledge being tested. Let us know if our tutors can help you get ready! Just 2-3 hours of test prep tutoring, in your home and on your schedule, can significantly improve your score.
The holidays are a time filled with favorite traditions -- special meals, giving gifts, family gatherings, and more. Unfortunately, teachers will tell you that another holiday tradition is a general decline in students' grades between Thanksgiving and January. It's hard for students to stay focused on school and maintain good study habits when they are excited about parties and pulled from their regular routines to travel, shop, and celebrate.
This is not the time for students who've been excelling to start slacking, nor is it helpful for students who've been struggling to fall further behind. Many teachers try to wrap up units in December before the break, which means your child will have big projects or tests (summative assessments) at the end of the month.
What makes matters worse is that, for many students, the grading period and first semester will end shortly after the holidays in January, leaving students little to no time to undo any damage done during December. For that reason, it's especially important that parents stay on top of school matters and support their children's academics during the holiday season.
Here are three ways you can do just that:
1. Keep a calendar with important school dates, and review the calendar regularly with your child. This helps prevent school deadlines from getting lost in the shuffle of holiday music concerts, family parties, and shopping extravaganzas. Posting the calendar on the refrigerator and looking it over every couple of days will help you and your child stay abreast of school happenings.
2. Respect your child's school obligations. Now is not the time to pull your child from class unnecessarily or abandon regular bedtimes. Of course there will be times when it's unavoidable, but parents need to ask themselves -- is getting a few hours' jump on holiday traffic worth my child missing the big math test review? Is staying up late for this family party going to make my child a zombie at school tomorrow? Parents often use the holidays as an excuse to drop the routines and structures that help students succeed, and then they are puzzled when their child's grades fall. Be sure that you're not sending contradictory messages about the importance of school during the holidays.
3. Use holiday treats as an incentive to help your child stay motivated. This is a fun time of year! Parents can use holiday traditions and treats as rewards for their children after they tackle their schoolwork. Break up a night of homework with quick round of peppermint hot chocolates, or celebrate a finished school project with a trip to see holiday lights. Talk to your child about the importance of balancing family fun with school so it doesn't all feel like drudgery.
As always, if your child continues to struggle, give us a call. We love to talk to families about strategies to help kids get on track academically. From the Tutor A Team family, enjoy the holiday season!
Recent studies have shown that parents who struggled with math anxiety in school can unwittingly pass this learning difficulty to their own children. This happens when parents who have their own "math insecurity" assist their children with math homework.
These parents don't do it on purpose -- in fact, it's often because they are trying so hard to help their children do better in math than they did.
The problem is, their help backfires.
Instead of helping the child feel more confident with math, the parents often make what they think are reassuring remarks:
Researchers at the University of Chicago studied about 400 elementary students. They tested the kids' math abilities at the beginning of the school year, and they also surveyed them on their feelings about math. How do they feel when taking a math test? When doing their math homework? Parents completed a survey, too, responding to questions that asked about their own math anxiety and how much they help their kids with homework. At the end of the year, the students were re-tested in math and re-surveyed.
Turns out: the kids with math-anxious parents who helped with homework not only internalized their parents' discomfort with math, they actually learned less than their peers.
This kind of math anxiety has long-reaching effects. Adults who struggle with math don't just get nervous when it's time to split a restaurant bill. They also don't understand their credit card interest, how to best finance a car purchase, and what kind of savings will be needed for retirement.
So what's the moral of this story? Should parents who've had their own problems with math not help their children?
Well, it depends. If you can maintain a "math positive" attitude, you can probably provide support with passing your anxiety down to your child. You can do this by:
If you find that you're unable to support your child's math development without communicating your own angst, talk to us. Our tutors have an excellent track record of success, even with students for whom math has presented a years-long challenge.
One Chesapeake parent tells us:
"My daughter now understands the subject that once gave her so much trouble. Not only has she worked her way from a D to an A-, but she also passed the Algebra II SOL with a Pass-Advanced score!"
The most important skills we can teach our children are perhaps not division or solving equations, but grit and persistence. Kids need to learn that they can do hard things and that their teachers and parents will support them in the process. Math homework is a great opportunity to practice those skills.
Ask any teacher or student about their favorite day of the week, and you'll get varied responses. Some will say they like Fridays, when the work week winds down and the weekend stretches ahead. Some will declare a love for Saturdays, when they've had a good night's sleep and have nothing pressing on the agenda for the next day.
No teachers will express enthusiasm for Sunday, and here's why: it's the day teachers spend getting ready for the week ahead. It's a work day. And while it's kind of a pain, teachers have figured out a secret that smart students would be wise to adopt.
The secret is that those who do their Sunday work reap the benefits for the rest of the week. Sunday is a day to get ahead, get organized, and get on top of the tasks unfolding Monday through Friday. In other words, Sunday matters!
Six reasons why Sunday matters to your student:
For some families, Sunday might not be the best day to make these things happen, due to sports schedules or church commitments. It actually doesn't matter if you do your "Sunday work" on Saturday. What matters is that students get the time to process the past week, plan for the week ahead, get organized, and invest time in their studies.
What Sunday routines work best for your family? Leave us a note in the comments!
Back-to-School season is generally filled with a mix of excitement and worry.
On the one hand, the school year stretches ahead as a blank slate for new experiences and success. The kids are excited to see their friends again, and many enjoy the learning and social opportunities at school. Parents are often ready for the structure and routines of school, and they are cautiously optimistic about the fresh start.
On the other hand, Back-to-School can be a stressful time as well. Kids worry that they won't like their teacher, or they'll be separated from friends. They wonder if they'll struggle in certain subjects or be able to keep up. Parents get anxious about new bus routes, hectic mornings, angst-filled homework sessions, and whether their child is prepared for this next level.
A little preparation can minimize the stress and maximize your child's chance of academic and personal success. Here are three things you can do to ensure a smooth start to the school year.
Organize Your Home
You can reduce stress and chaos by making sure there are specific places designated for school gear and school work. For example:
Communicate with the School
Most parents go into each school year with certain hopes and fears for their child. Maybe your child has always struggled with reading, and you're hoping for some extra attention there. Maybe your child feels shy at school and would like to make friends but isn't sure how. Maybe your child has health issues that need support at school. Maybe your child is already overwhelmed at the prospect of a big high school year of AP classes and college applications. Have you talked to your child's teacher(s) or guidance counselor about these concerns? When parents get upset with the school, it's often because an expectation has gone unmet. So start the year by communicating your hopes and expectations in a clear, respectful and collaborative way. Simple concerns may just require an email, while more complicated matters might need a conference. You are your child's best advocate, so don't wait to speak up.
Be Mindful of Your Child's Health
Your child's mental, social, and emotional performance at school is largely driven by how he or she feels physically. Are you setting your child up for success? Think about:
Taking some time to think through these issues is an important way to "set the stage" for a great school year.
And if your child struggles academically despite your best efforts, consider calling in some back up with a professional tutor.
What are your best Back-to-School strategies? Leave us a note in the comments below!
We're super proud to announce that Tutor A Team has just been awarded the Virginian-Pilot’s "Best of Hampton Roads" Gold Award for 2016 (for six years running!), the Angie’s List Super Service Award, and Thumbtack’s Award for Best of 2016.
These awards position Tutor A Team as the most recognized K – 12 tutoring team in the state.
"Our team concept is the basis of our success.” said Jim Waldman, Founder and President. “We work very hard to make our student, parent, tutor and teacher team the core of our students' success. It works, and I think that the awards our team has earned proves it.”
Mr. Waldman has helped to pioneer the area's best model for one-on-one, in-the-home tutoring, beginning with the firm’s establishment six years ago.
“We also insist on a student’s current homework being a critical part of the tutoring/learning process. This strategy helps boost the student’s self-esteem and is a great foundation for continued academic achievement,” continued Mr. Waldman.
We invite your to check out the rest of our website, which provides a complete profile of our program philosophy, services, client testimonials, and FAQs.
Tutor A Team is excited to announce that we have won the Angie's List Super Service Award for the second consecutive year!
This esteemed award is only given to the top 5% of Angie's List education service providers.
The Super Service award reflects an exemplary year of service provided to members of the local services marketplace and consumer review site in 2015.
Angie’s List Super Service Award 2015 winners have met strict eligibility requirements, which include an “A” rating in overall grade, recent grade, and review period grade; the company must also be in good standing with Angie’s List, pass a background check, and abide by Angie’s List operational guidelines.
Service company ratings are updated daily on Angie’s List. Companies are graded on an A through F scale in areas ranging from price to professionalism to punctuality.
Thank you to our friends and clients in the Tutor A Team community for the consistently outstanding reviews. You help us grow our business and help more families!