Maybe you saw this coming, or maybe it was a bolt of lightning out of the clear blue sky. Either way, there's no feeling like the sinking feeling you get when your child brings home a bad report card.
You might feel angry with your child, frustrated with your child's teacher, or ashamed that you didn't know or couldn't help your child. Those feelings are all understandable, but there are some very specific ways you should NOT react when you first lay eyes on that sub-par report.
Here are five things NOT to do when your child shows you (or you discover) the poor grades:
1. Don't yell. The situation is already intense. You feel frustrated and upset, and your child probably does, too. Yelling only ups the intensity for all involved, and it usually causes your child to shut down. Even if your child lied to you or blew off major assignments, yelling on your part does nothing except communicates to your child that you're angry and out of control. If you can't have a calm conversation right away, let your child know that you'll discuss the report when you're feeling calmer and have had time to think about how to react constructively.
2. Don't lecture. When you're ready to have that conversation, make sure it's a two-way dialogue. If you go into "Charlie Brown's teacher" mode (you know, WAH WAH WAH WAH WAH WAH), you're not going to learn anything about why this problem exists and what you and your child can do to fix it. Most kids, when asked in a non-threatening, respectful manner, will be able to tell you exactly what's going wrong and what they think might help improve the situation. But if you start the conversation with an angry rant about how your child is "disappointing you" and "ruining her future," your child will kick into a defensive, defiant mode of her own.
3. Don't blame the teacher. Even if you're child's teacher isn't setting the world on fire, help your child see where he has some control over the situation and what he can do to improve his performance. If he says, "I don't like how he teaches" or "He doesn't like me," re-focus the conversation on your child's role and responsibilities as a learner. Allowing your child to blame the teacher sets your child up to believe that his success or failure in life is in someone else's hands, and he doesn't have control over his life or responsibility for his choices.
4. Don't focus only on the negatives. Chances are, your child's report card contains good information, too. Maybe she earned an A in art, or maybe a teacher noted how well she works with other students. Find something positive to talk about so your child doesn't feel like all you see is what she can't or didn't do. If you really can't find something positive about the report, contact her teachers and ask. Just say, "I'd like to talk to my child about how she can improve her performance in school, and I'd like that conversation to include a discussion of her strengths and weaknesses. Can you share some positive observations, as well as your specific suggestions for improvement?"
5. Don't just talk about grades. Those grades matter. Of course they do. But they are only indicators of small areas in your child's life -- one subject here, one subject there, and most important, one moment in time. They are not permanent indicators of your child's character or destiny, or for that matter, your parenting. So when you talk to your child, instead of focusing on grades as the final outcome, focus on work habits, school routines, and daily actions and choices that can get your child back on track. Talk to your child about self esteem and taking pride in one's work and contributions. Research shows that focusing on grades, and not the growth and process by which those grades are earned, sets your child up to be completely unmotivated in school.
Finally, if you feel stuck, please call us. We absolutely have strategies that can help your child get back on track, and we'd love to talk to you about the resources available for your child.
What are your best tips for handling poor grades?
We want to tell you about this cool thing we do called the Final Five and how you can use it to help your child stay on track in school. The Final Five is how we spend the last five minutes of tutoring sessions with our K-6 families, and it's designed to maximize the effectiveness of tutoring sessions and enable parents to help their children -- even when we aren't there.
For the last five minutes of each session, the tutor has the parent join the student. The tutor first explains to the parent what the child and tutor covered in that day's session.
Next, the tutor explains to the parent what he or she can do until the next session to support the child's progress in that subject. This might include:
- Discussing any upcoming tests or projects the student can be working on.
- Explaining what the child needs in terms of home support, whether that be materials, study space, someone to review homework or listen to reading.
- Giving the parent and child a small task or project that will enable to child to practice and support the child's progress in that subject until the tutor returns.
We started doing this because many parents told us they want to help and be involved in their child's academic success, but they don't know what specifically to do. The Final Five gives parents direction for that goal.
Here's the neat thing about the Final Five -- you can do it with your child even if you don't have a tutor!
Recent studies have shown that parents who hover too much or get too involved in their child's homework completion are actually counterproductive and ineffective. They actually prevent their child from learning and developing problem-solving independence. So instead of doing that (and if you've ever done it, you know your child doesn't enjoy it anyway), try using the Final Five to support your kid's growth in school.
Ask your child to talk to you about his or her schoolwork for the last five minutes of each homework session. For your own Final Five, you can:
- Review your child's planner and talk about upcoming projects or assessments.
- Ask if your child had any trouble with the assignments and suggest troubleshooting strategies. Would watching a YouTube tutorial help? Can you answer a couple questions? Can the child speak to his or her teacher to get some extra direction?
- Talk about your child's academic goals for the week. What's a priority? What's going on at school? What's interesting?
Your own Final Five allows you to do daily "pulse checks" with your child without micromanaging his or her schoolwork. You'll know when problems are cropping up and develop an ongoing conversation with your child about school.
Our Final Five helps you get the most out of every tutoring session. We really want to see your child succeed! Let us know how we can help.
Back-to-School season is generally filled with a mix of excitement and worry.
On the one hand, the school year stretches ahead as a blank slate for new experiences and success. The kids are excited to see their friends again, and many enjoy the learning and social opportunities at school. Parents are often ready for the structure and routines of school, and they are cautiously optimistic about the fresh start.
On the other hand, Back-to-School can be a stressful time as well. Kids worry that they won't like their teacher, or they'll be separated from friends. They wonder if they'll struggle in certain subjects or be able to keep up. Parents get anxious about new bus routes, hectic mornings, angst-filled homework sessions, and whether their child is prepared for this next level.
A little preparation can minimize the stress and maximize your child's chance of academic and personal success. Here are three things you can do to ensure a smooth start to the school year.
Organize Your Home
You can reduce stress and chaos by making sure there are specific places designated for school gear and school work. For example:
Communicate with the School
Most parents go into each school year with certain hopes and fears for their child. Maybe your child has always struggled with reading, and you're hoping for some extra attention there. Maybe your child feels shy at school and would like to make friends but isn't sure how. Maybe your child has health issues that need support at school. Maybe your child is already overwhelmed at the prospect of a big high school year of AP classes and college applications. Have you talked to your child's teacher(s) or guidance counselor about these concerns? When parents get upset with the school, it's often because an expectation has gone unmet. So start the year by communicating your hopes and expectations in a clear, respectful and collaborative way. Simple concerns may just require an email, while more complicated matters might need a conference. You are your child's best advocate, so don't wait to speak up.
Be Mindful of Your Child's Health
Your child's mental, social, and emotional performance at school is largely driven by how he or she feels physically. Are you setting your child up for success? Think about:
Taking some time to think through these issues is an important way to "set the stage" for a great school year.
And if your child struggles academically despite your best efforts, consider calling in some back up with a professional tutor.
What are your best Back-to-School strategies? Leave us a note in the comments below!
Tutor A Team is excited to announce that we have won the Angie's List Super Service Award for the second consecutive year!
This esteemed award is only given to the top 5% of Angie's List education service providers.
The Super Service award reflects an exemplary year of service provided to members of the local services marketplace and consumer review site in 2015.
Angie’s List Super Service Award 2015 winners have met strict eligibility requirements, which include an “A” rating in overall grade, recent grade, and review period grade; the company must also be in good standing with Angie’s List, pass a background check, and abide by Angie’s List operational guidelines.
Service company ratings are updated daily on Angie’s List. Companies are graded on an A through F scale in areas ranging from price to professionalism to punctuality.
Thank you to our friends and clients in the Tutor A Team community for the consistently outstanding reviews. You help us grow our business and help more families!
We just learned that we received a Service Award from Angie's List. This award is given to the top 5% of Angie's List businesses nationally. We consistently earn an A+ rating with Angie's List.
That means we have a lot of happy clients!
Thank you, Tutor A Team community, for your support. When you take the time to let others know how we've helped you, we are able to help more people!
We appreciate this recognition and will keep working hard to earn it year after year.
As summer draws to a close, many families in Hampton Roads are rushing around to get ready to go back to school. It can be an exciting, yet hectic and stressful, time for students and their parents. Back-to-school is one situation where it pays to be proactive, so consider these three tips for making this school year the best one yet.
1. Get Organized
Think about your routines from last year. Were you losing permission forms? Was homework left behind on the kitchen counter? Were you rushing back in from the bus stop to grab shoes for PE? Was every morning a mad dash to make it to school on time with all needed papers and supplies? Start this year right by implementing a few systems to help your routines run smoothly. Decide where your child will do homework (hint: not near the TV), and stock up on the needed supplies. Set up a basket or paper tray (on the counter or mounted on the wall) where you can keep school papers and forms. Think through your evening routine and make a plan with your child to get school things organized the night before -- backpack stuffed, papers signed, clothes selected and shoes located, and everything ready in a designated spot. Keep a family calendar in a shared spot so everyone's on the same page. These are simple modifications that can really de-stress your mornings.
2. Get On Schedule
Don't wait until Labor Day weekend to get your child's bedtime back on school hours -- that's too late! Start the shift now if you haven't already. You want your child to be rested and bright-eyed on the first day of school. In our house, we've been kind of terrible with enforcing a bed time. If bedtime is supposed to be 8:30, we find that pajama-selecting, teeth-brushing, story-reading, water-getting, etc. all add up to kids who are still awake at 10:00 p.m. Lately, we've been doing a "head to bed time," and it's working much better. Instead of shooing the kids upstairs at 8:28 for 8:30 bedtime, we start the routines much earlier, around 7:45. This gives everyone time to unplug from iPods and TV, handle their bedtime routines, and have quiet moments to read and talk before lights out.
3. Get In Touch with School
Now is the time to think about any special communications that could help your child as the school year starts. If your child has allergies or special medical needs, get in touch with the school nurse. If your child has learning needs and has an IEP or 504 plan, get in touch with her teacher or the school's case manager and make sure that everyone is aware of your child's learning needs. If your child has a weak subject or needs remediation, get in touch with us! We can talk about back-to-school tutoring programs. If you can, consider reaching out to your child's teacher and offering to help with back-to-school set-up and parent communication. Even if you can't volunteer in the classroom, introducing yourself and staying in the loop is a great way to show support for your child's education.
Teachers and parents, what strategies will YOU use to make this school year the best one yet? Leave us a comment with your great tips!
We're super excited to introduce a new feature for our Tutor A Team community -- this blog! We have a wonderful group of parents, teachers, tutors, and students who work with Tutor A Team, and in that group, we have a lot of shared experiences and knowledge about what it takes for kids to be successful in school. Our goal with this blog is to bring you the news and information you can use to help your children (or students) achieve to their fullest academic potential. We'll blog about tutoring and school issues, our programs, and success stories from the Tutor A Team community. We'll also offer the best school tips for parents and students from our experienced tutors and teachers.
As we get started, let us know -- what interests you most? What kinds of news and information would you like to see on our blog?
Thanks for being part of our Tutor A Team community! Let's keep in touch!